As a poorly-informed millennial who does not understand the difference between a senator and a cabinet (isn’t one a hockey team and the other furniture??), I feel that I have the utmost right to ask Kevin O’Leary a series of essential questions to determine if he is fit for Conservative leadership…he is politician right? Oh wait, he lies all the time, makes lots of money, and looks like a knock-off Danny Devito. Yep, yep he’s a politician.
1. Was there enough room for Jack on the raft?
2. How much would you charge to clean up all the vomit in Vic Hall? Please take into consideration current inflation rates.
3. Explain the significance of cattle in a vegetarian’s diet.
4. If you had to choose between owning a platypus and a salamander with wings, which would you want as a pet?
5. Can you attempt to explain why the engineers are so invested in the colour purple?
6. On average, how many times a week do you sing and then cry in the shower? You don’t need to lie; this is a safe place.
7. Is a hot dog a sandwich?
8. Have you ever considered implementing the Hunger Games in Canada? How would you go about doing that?
9. Can you fit your whole fist in your mouth? Please consider that you spend the majority of your time with your foot in your mouth.
10. Is the fluid from a cow’s udders pronounced “milk” or “melk”?
11. If you had to rid one of the faculties at Queen’s, which would it be? Please recall the uselessness of commerce.
12. Why do you think the Kardashians are famous?
13. Do you think that vegans should be used in animal testing?
14. Would you invest in having Snoop Dogg narrate Planet Earth for the next ten years?
15. On a scale of 1-10, how disappointed are your parents with your career aspirations?
16. How would you dress on a Monday at 8:10am and on a Tuesday at 6:03pm in Kingston?
17. Will you pay off my student loans and my future mortgage?
18. Please perform Single Ladies right now.
19. Do you agree that Harry Potter was way too fucking narcissistic and should have realized that his friends all had lives apart from him and they could have also easily used the attention – BUT OH NO it had to always be about POTTER!!! GOD VOLDEMORT SHOULD HAVE JUST KILLED HIM WHEN HE WAS A BABY.
20. How do you get more matches on Tinder? Please consider this scenario logistically.