Homecoming Incident-Free Thanks to Woolf’s Pre-Hoco Email


Queen’s Homecoming this year was incredibly free of all debauchery thanks to Principal Woolf’s well worded pre-hoco email. In it, Woolf appealed to the students to not party, drink in the streets, and do damage to property. As sensible individuals and university educated adults, the students agreed to a safe Homecoming, maintained at a respectful volume.

To start off the festivities, the students woke up extra early to drink plenty of water. Hydrating after a long sleep is imperative to good physical and mental health, which Daniel Woolf mentioned in his email. Afterwards, students reportedly made an effort to fix various roofs in the University District, paying extra attention to missing shingles and dented eavestroughs.

When the homecoming game rolled around, the stands were packed with jovial fans who were ecstatic to watch a exciting (but fair) game of football. In every house, students put down their textbooks and homework and turned to the livestream of the match, mugs of warm milk in their hands. When our Gaels scored, a cheer could be heard (although quietly enough to not be noisy) followed by a rousing singalong of the Oil Thigh. Arm in arm, Queen’s students proved you didn’t have to be drunk to enjoy our football team lose a game.

By 8:30pm, students tucked themselves into bed. When the undergrads reportedly couldn’t sleep, the grad students read to them aloud from Principal Woolf’s email until they could. Yawning, the peaceful students closed their eyes with a smile on their face, wondering how next year could possibly top such an incredible Homecoming.