How Not to Handle Exam Stress: Or, Things You’ll Probably Do Anyway And Regret


So exams suck. For everyone. Even if you are one of those lucky buggers that only has one or two exams you will experience a certain level of suckage (you just totally have way less reason to complain, so tone it down a bit, yeah?). There are certain things you can do that will help to prevent total spontaneous combustion of the brain. Though in all reality, you’ll do all of these things anyway.

Don’t Not Shower

Or, in layman’s terms: shower. Just do it. Contrary to popular belief, you can take five minutes out of your ‘hard core studying’ to clean your junk. Let’s be honest, you are going to spend more than five minutes staring off into the distance contemplating your place at university or some shit like that anyway.

Don’t Cut Off All Outside Communication

It’s down to the grind. Only a measly 10 hours between you and your first exam and the clock is ticking. You have like a billion slides to memorize and if you don’t you can say goodbye to your self worth. What else can you do but not ever make contact with another human being, real or virtual until you know your shit. Don’t do this. You’ll start to either hate yourself or talk to yourself, each of with are gateway drugs to insanity. You can’t write your exams from an asylum, can you?

Don’t Never Leave Your House

This is somewhat of an amalgamation of the prior two. If you don’t leave your house you’ll smell stale, and that ain’t pretty – air yourself out a bit. Simultaneously, talking to people is good for you; it’ll stop you from going insane.

Don’t Load Up On Energizers

There is the high, the buzz, the sweet sensation of actually having the energy to get stuff done. Holy shit, the house has never been so clean and you’ve read the course pack six times over without taking a break. Then there is the fall, the crash and burn. The I-no-longer-have-the-energy-to-even-move. And finally the I-can’t-remember-a-single-thing-I-read, also commonly referred to, why-didn’t-I-write-anything-down.

Of course there is more dumb shit you’ll do during exams that you’ve stupidly convinced yourself will help – pray to the exam gods, sacrifice a Kingston Squirrel, and offer your soul to whoever can ensure you pass that god forsaken 80% exam. You’ll do anything to pass, but some things simply won’t help. Just try actually studying. Good luck.