How Shallow Are You?

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As you begrudgingly make your way through the remaining weeks studying, drinking and most of all procrastinating, why don’t you take a couple minutes to consider the following.

Imagine your perfect man or women, depending on your preference. When I say perfect I mean perfect: great hair, perfect figure, for the ladies just the right height and masculinity, for the men the ideal bosom and behind. They even like the shit that makes you question your humanity, like your fetish with Christmas tree porn (yes it’s a thing, don’t ask how I know).

They make you laugh and conversation with them flows naturally for hours on end. I’m talking Morgan Freeman lulling you to sleep each night or David Attenborough describing some endangered animal, global warming or something else that isn’t important.

Your family adores them and loves them almost more then you… ok they do love them more then you but you understand because I mean, they’re perfect right. And don’t even get me started on the sex, once you two get going you wont be walking straight for days. So after taking everything I’ve said into consideration, would you marry them?

Oh silly me I forgot to mention one minor detail, they don’t have arms…

You shallow tool, you actually reconsidered for a second there didn’t you!? don’t lie I know you did. That type of reaction will have people saying you’re shallower then a really, really shallow puddle, I’ve never been good at insults.

Sure missing two limbs is a minor flaw but nobodies perfect and this person is the closest you’re ever going to get to perfection. Us single people out there spend all our time complaining about how we can’t find someone to date, when you might have a limbless lover fawning over you this very instant, you just wont take the time to hear them out because all you want is a “hug”.

Why did Sally fall off the swing?

Ans: Because she had no arms

1: “Knock Knock”
2: “Who’s there?”
1: “Not Sally.”
Sincerely not Sally

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