How To Acquire A Car


Are you currently a poor unemployed student who needs a car but has no money? Fortunately for you, getting a car is easy. Just follow these easy steps.

Acquire some signs that say “Private Parking”, and underneath, inform the sign-reader that if their car is towed they should contact “(Your name here)’s Towing Company”, and leave your phone number. For safety/legal reasons, do not use your real name.

Find a parking lot with some cars that you like. Place the sign in front of one of the parking spots where a car you like is parked.

Wait until night. Arrive to the parking lot with your tow truck, and tow away the car in front of your sign.

Conveniently lose your phone, or ask a friend to steal it so that the car’s previous owner cannot contact you

Change the license plate. This is easiest done using cans of white and blue spray paint. Alternatively purchase steal novelty plates from a tourist shop.

Enjoy cruising around town in your new car!

You may have noticed that this plan requires you to already have a tow truck. Conveniently, you can actually use the exact same steps to acquire a tow truck! Just figure out where the tow truck parking lot is and put up some signs.