How To: Awkward Housemate Discussions


Ever wondered what to do when your housemate is leaving laxative-laced food sitting on counters? Can’t tell your housemate that she’s an awful fucking singer? Here’s our suggestions for telling people to fuck off when you don’t have the spinal column to do it to their face.

Heating Bills: There’s always one person in the house that needs a lot more heat than everyone else and this is guaranteed to piss everyone else off if you pay for your own utilities. There is only one way to deal with this: hold a house meeting and shame that person into admitting they’re bringing everyone else down.

Toothbrushes aren’t for sharing. Taping something to the toothbrush isn’t doing it? Toss some extra-hot hotsauce on the brush and hide your new toothbrush somewhere where the fuckers can’t find it.

Toilet paper goes a very specific way. This one can only be fixed by direct confrontation with the culprit, and if necessary, you may fight them to the death on this. Anyone inept enough to put toilet paper the wrong way on a roll can’t be good at anything.

Dancing around someone else’s bodily fluids in a shower is not a thing anybody should have to do ever. Tell them to use the other shower to avoid yours.

Passive-Aggressive Notes are easy to do, just make sure they can’t be construed as funny.