How To: Get a Summer Job

0
25

Let’s face it: you are broke. You spent all your money on booze and bad decisions and your parents are no longer giving you money to continue this type of spending. Also how did you burn through 20K in alcohol in a school year. Nevermind you need cash here is some surefire ways to get a job.
1) Talk to a prof that still likes you. Many profs need cheap slaves students to help them with their research. The trick is you need to surprise the prof in a place they are not expecting to be asked for a job. I suggest a bathroom. You will never catch a prof more off guard than while they are in the middle of a shit.
2) Make money running a gloryhole operation. There are many people out there who are willing to pay good money for these services that you can provide. The advantages is you can say you are self employed which means you can pick your hours and work from home. This one definitely has the ability to make lots of money.
3) Summon a demon onto campus and have the school pay you to make it go away. Let’s be honest the easiest way to get free tuition around Queen’s isn’t through getting good marks or being an athlete or anything. Go straight to selling your soul to demonic powers it is just so much easier. I suggest summoning the demon in goodes hall… I am not biased into wanting Goodes destroyed. 
4) Get a busker licence and turn tricks at the corner of princess and division. Sure this may not be the classiest way to make your bucks but it is still better than having to explain to your parents what you did with that 20K that they gave you.
5) Plan a heist on the temple of the sacred commie. Everyone knows that Goodes expansion was done in order to incorporate a secret temple under it. This temple has the site of commerce worship of the most sacred object, a 1000 oz gold bar. Your job is to enter the temple and retrieve this item. It should fund your binge drinking for a little while. 
6) Count cards at the queen’s blackjack tournament in order to win all the money that is up for grabs. Wait there isn’t cold hard cash for grabs. Darn well just practice there and then take your act to vegas to win big.
7) Sell all your stuff. Been given a hoverboard, camera and a new laptop for christmas that you didn’t need. Well sell all that shit so you can pay for what you really want. 3 40s of smirnoff vodka and no dignity.
8)Actually apply to real jobs. Wow you are desperate. You are going to go out to places around kingston and actually properly apply to get a job. You have tried every restaurant and every job that is on queen’s job bank

 

Comments