How To Help Someone “Even” Again


“Oh my god, I just.. can’t even” – When most people hear someone say this, they probably dismiss the claim as petty. When someone says they “can’t even” it’s stupid, right? Only airheads say they “can’t even” to inarticulately convey that they’re overwhelmed.
You’re wrong.
The “white girl” stereotype is an unfortunate perpetuation that could be dangerous in its misinformation. When someone “can’t even” it is not to be taken lightly and is attributed to an offensive stereotype. A “can’t even” (CE) episode can be the precursor for serious medical complications.
Like how diabetes is when the body can’t produce or manage glucose, a CE episode is triggered by the inability to process originality. As a result, the overexposure of originality will leave its victim susceptible to forming their own opinions. If untreated over a long period, a CE episode will plague people with introspection and independent thinking. If someone around you goes into a CE episode, you must be equipped to take proper medical action.
After you have called 911, take the appropriate Golden Words approved actions to ensure that the CE episode does not compromise the person’s basicness.
RESTART THEIR iPHONE: People who are prone to CE episodes have become empathetic with iPhones to the point where they personally feel the actions that are done to their iPhones. One technique to revive someone from a CE episode is to turn their iPhone on and off until they regain consciousness.
PUMPKIN SPICE SMELLING SALTS: Despite the fact that there isn’t any pumpkin at all in pumpkin spice flavouring, pumpkin spice smelling salts are effective in resuscitating the sense that keeps out interesting ideas. It’s also fucking delicious. 
MARILYN MONROE QUOTES: Grab the shoulders of the people you are trying to revive and yell, “If you can’t handle me at my worst” until they respond with, “then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best!” until they fully regain cognition. Lana Del Rey quotes are also interchangeable in their effectiveness.