Every group of friends has that one person that just doesn’t fit and isn’t wanted in the group. We all know the rule: if you don’t know who the friend is, you’re that friend. But if you’re still unsure, here are five obvious signs that you’re that friend.
1) You’re always chosen to be the sacrifice for Pagan rituals:
The first one or two times, it could just be a coincidence. But after half a dozen times that your friends choose to draw your blood or cut off a lock of your hair to sacrifice to Ba’al, you should probably start to realize that maybe you’re the friend that they don’t like.
2) They refer to you as “our very own Judas Iscariot”
If you think this is a term of endearment, you’re wrong. Judas was the original friend that nobody liked and your “friends” are burning you on a historical level. It’s time that you part ways with these people.
3) They won’t promote you to Dragon Wrangler in the cult they started
You’ve performed all the requisite initiation rites, and you even went one step further and tattooed the Friendship and Brotherhood logo on your neck, but they still won’t move you beyond Wizard’s Apprentice. You might need to just accept it – you’re the outsider here.
4) You’re not allowed to sleep in the communal friend bed
You’ve asked time and again, but you’re still the only one in the group who isn’t allowed to sleep in the same bed as everyone else. Even though there’s extra room in the two king sized beds they pushed together, you have to sleep separate. This is a big red flag.
5) Your name is Kevin Jacob Fitzgerald and you live at the corner of Johnson and Division.
Look, Kevin. I don’t know how we can make this any more clear to you. We don’t like hanging out with you. Stop calling us. We aren’t friends. We have tried to explain this so many times, we can’t believe you still don’t get it.