January at Queen’s marks the month of people getting the hub flu, girls intentionally getting frostbite on their legs on the way to the bars, and the entire campus passionately engaged in AMS elections. With the entire campus obviously on their toes, keeping up with all the AMS election updates as if the future of their country depends on it, here are some key steps to a great campaign that potential candidates should follow.
• Create a solid foundation
• First and foremost, I would build an actual wooden platform that doesn’t wobble, just to show that I can create a strong platform literally, so there are no doubts in anyone’s mind that my platform is created on unoriginal BS. Also that you could actually go for a run on.
• Explain how you are going to spend students money aimlessly
• Here are a few suggestions:
• Put tv’s in every room on campus and only use them to display the hottest memes of the week
• Make another hole in the JDUC, just cause it could look cool
• Propose new ways to use buildings on campus
• Turn the abandoned PEC into a haunted house attraction
• Using unused buildings like Grant Hall as communal napping spaces
• Creating a petting zoo on Nixon Field, the athletes who use it are essentially animals anyway
• Turning the underground into a study space…Oh wait
• Explain your totally new and original ways of how you are going to make student life better (or just say you want to enrich the lives of students and leave it at that, general is always better)
• Expand the ever reliable queensu wifi into the student ghetto (upon research this was actually run on a few years ago)
• Explain what you believe hazing is before claiming it happened without actually being involved
• Propose other random ideas that would never actually happen but people are dumb enough to believe could happen
• Segregating new years resolutioners in the arc into their own section for the month of January so that the gym doesn’t become overcrowded
• Create a skeeball and/or how to tinder bird course class
• Create an actual bird course, some of us would like to learn about the art of birding
By following these simple steps, you will have a foolproof campaign and are guaranteed. A bonus would also make a better name, Team BBW or Team PBR would definitely get the campus comedians vote.