I am in one of those disciplines that requires you to write a “thesis” in order to graduate. Now I’m not in arts, so it’s been a few years since high school where I actually heard the word whose plural rhymes with feces on a semi-regular basis. Lo and behold, my undergrad thesis is due in a couple of days. I think I finally learned how to write a thesis, like, yesterday. Here’s how you do it, depending on your field of study:
If you are in arts, write a mundane sentence. For example, “I like food”. Now, change the subject word with a buzz word from your field study. For example, “History likes food”. Now, choose a couple other buzz words from some relevant fields of study and accessorize your subject word. For example, “The history of sexuality in the South African metaphysical geography likes food.” Now switch up your verb with something more dramatic. Preferably something that starts with “con” or “com”. For example, “The history of sexuality in the South African metaphysical geography condemns food.” Finally, choose an object word that relates to the audience’s sensitive nature. For example, “The history of sexuality in the South African metaphysical geography condemns the children with mental instabilities.” There, you’ve got a thesis.
If you are in science or engineering, go to google scholar and search for a thesis paper with an obscure but seemingly relevant topic to your field of study. Make sure it’s never been cited. Copy and paste into your word document. Replace every white space with a letter, but make it white – this way they can’t google the text and find the original text. Change the wording of the title, and write down your name. There, you’ve got a thesis.