Human Cats Confuse Humane Society, Cause Mayhem


On Saturday night an unusual disturbance took place in the student ghetto. Becky Smith, a volunteer at the local humane society, gave a brief interview with the Golden Words writers. “It seems a very large population of university girls dressed up as animals this year for Halloween”, said Smith.  “I mean, cats are fairly common Halloween costumes, but this year there was an exponential rise in the amount of basic white girls wearing ears, black leggings, and drawn on whiskers”. 
With so many girls wearing these elaborate and realistic costumes, “Kingston residents were having a tough time 
telling these girls apart from actual felines. Our rescue teams would show up, only to find a drunk girl throwing up in a bush”. 
Becky said all available volunteers were called in to deal with the cat crisis, as it is their mission 
statement to respond to every report of a missing animal. The Humane Society stresses that they are 
not equipped to care for a multitude of intoxicated females, reporting they do not 
have the resources to buy pizzas, hold hair mid throw up, or the patience to listen 
about how slutty Sara looked. 

Queen’s University students are encouraged to confirm the type of species before 
reporting missing animals. Follow more of this outrageous story on twitter,
using #ImACatNotACostumeCrisis.