I Guess the Patriarchy Won, Again


As a white woman I have a pretty great position, because not only do I have all of the privileges of being white, but I am also allowed to complain about oppression, and let me tell you-it’s fulfilling as fuck.

The thing is, you may have noticed the Golden Words managerial staff is moving from a 50/50 gender ratio to entirely male staff. As your weekly feminist propaganda source I sure have some thoughts on this.

First of all, it’s great material for my feminist anthology. It may be a surprise to you ladies, but I am running out of content. So I could not be more overjoyed to find my beloved paper being overrun by the patriarchy. Sure, these men may do a fine job of “promoting equality” but how can they deny the systematic oppression? Regardless of any good they do for feminism, I can out-argue them every time with a simple slip of exclusive diction and jargon.

Also, is it a coincidence that the FEMALE dean is leaving at the same time all the FEMALE Golden Words managers are leaving? Impossible. This is a conspiracy and although I do not have the powerful position I once held to expose it I will be starting up a blog.

Am I attempting to move all my female readers over to my blog instead of this trash publication, start up an all-girls Old Boys Club and slowly transition it into a money laundering cult? Perhaps, but you’ll never be able to expose that conspiracy with this male-run paper – so check out my blog!

But that’s enough about tricks and schemes let’s have a look back on my reign as editor and some of the highlights:

That Time We Tricked a Significant Population to Keep Paying for Us.

If you are reading this you are a part of the small population who is benefiting from everyone paying for this service, which is a pretty cool stunt we played on them. Remember MTV’s Punk’d? This was the biggest Punk’d of all time.

That Time People Got Mad At Us for A Bunch of Dope Shit We Did

Am I going to apologize for dope shit? Maybe if my position was on the line or we definitely made a mistake and was offensive then yeah ok. Actually I’ll literally apologize for everything. If I’m holding the door for you and you brush my shoulder as you walk through, I’m sorry but, I’m apologizing for that shit.

That Time We Gained a Way bigger Presence on Campus through Various Promotional Techniques

This heading is for the companies searching me up after I included “Editor and Manager of Golden Words” on my resume. We did do this, actually but going into the details is not fresh enough content for the millennials I am targeting.

Anyways, this has been the worst of times and also not the worst of times. I hope my legacy of being the best editor of all time will proceed me for years to come.