Illegal Underground EngSoc Cockfighting Ring Busted


A surprisingly well maintained paper trail revealing minor embezzlement in EngSoc led to the discovery of an underground Super Smash Brothers Amiibo cockfighting ring. While the BED fund was spent on a 1st year app nobody wanted, money that could’ve gone to free pizza at EngSoc council was spent on a WiiU for the EngSoc lounge (after a needlessly long debate). Crime analysts suspect that this the illegal underground fight club located in the dungeons of Jeffrey Hall was the motivation behind the purchase of the WiiU and is a part of the Illuminati’s master plan.
The details about the actual bust are as shocking as attendees ranging from EngSoc elite, Prime Minister Trudeau , a few professors from each discipline, graduate students, the spirit of Jack Layton, the ghost of EngSoc past, and the University of Toronto’s Brute Force Committee.
The sting operation was completed after critical details were found from renegade undercover sleeper agent Engineering Review Board (ERB) Cop Smitty Werbenjagermanjensen and his partner, model ERB officer Speed Weed.
Eye witness reports state that bad cop Werbenjagermanjensen shattered his Martini over the head of the masked host. Werbenjagermanjensen then jumped out of his EngSoc issued golden party armor revealing his James Bond suit, to the dismay of his partner Speed Weed in the middle of seducing the host’s mistress. Werbenjagermanjensen then pulled out his EngSoc approved ERB pistols.Werbenjagermanjensen then fired warning shots in the air and yelled “ERB, YOU’RE ALL UNDER ARREST, GET DOWN ON THE GROUND, ON YOUR STOMACH NOW” interrupting the match between JT’s feral Pikachu and Crawford’s stubborn Jigglypuff atop the carcass of Wood’s dead Mario. A firefight then broke out as Speed Weed provided covering fire for the loose-cannon cop Werbenjagermanjensen, to buy time for the ERB Orbital Drop Shock Troopers to drive their EngSoc ERB issued party vans (the same ones used for frosh week) out of helicopters hovering above Jeffrey Hall, to cut off all escape routes.Chaos ensued and amidst extraction at the landing zone, Speed Weed took a bullet for Werbenjagermanjensen while ricocheting a grenade intended for his partner with his last bullet. The ricocheting grenade proceeded to burn the face of the host of the event by igniting the 40 beers they were planning to drink and Justin Trudeau’s joint. The perpetrator got away while keeping his face hidden.
The busted tournaments winnings recovered by the ERB included 69 chicken pestos, half of the grease pole, a bag of weed, cheetos dusted cocaine, a signed Newstead t-shirt, an EngLinks tutor and wild wolf of west chained together, a signed picture of Ableson, a new plant wall, clark line skips, various snapbacks, fake sci formal hours and a piece of a certain geology professor’s hockey stick.
Conspiracy theorists state that the tournament was shut down because the Dean’s Ridley Amiibo was too big. Speed Weed was given a post-humous promotion to Chief ERB and Smitty Werbenjagermanjensen quit the force after refusing to be partnered up with a rookie, but claims he’s still on the case.