In A Final Bid To End Beers On the Pier, Queen’s Bans Jumping

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On a single day, thousands of bills are passed through the AMS Royal Chambers, usually leading to absolutely no real change on campus (Remember your dry frosh week? No, you don’t, because you were drunk.). Unfortunately, the popular “Beers on the Pier” tradition has forced AMS to take action towards actual productivity. On November 21st, after attempting numerous measures to quell the fires of tradition, Queen’s finally said “fuck it” and enacted a ban on jumping, effective immediately. “Oh, it’s not so bad,” says AMS Republican Whip Jonathan Government, “Who even jumped in the first place? Humans as a species have evolved long past the High School Musical mid-jump Facebook photo.” Sources have already told the Golden Words that several Overheard posts of people jumping have already been spotted. Sources also report that the first comment for each one was “RIP Overheard”.

 

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