Inside the Ice Cube Email Scandal

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We at Golden Words like to keep you up to date with current events and, much like your raw-vegan friend, we eat up the local shit. So when we heard that there was a Straight Outta Compton-themed e-mail scandal at Yahoo Sports HQ in Sunnyvale, California (right in our proverbial backyard) we sent some our finest undercover operatives to the scene to investigate further.
For those of you unaware of the current situation at Yahoo, an engineering director was let go for sending e-mails inspired by some of the dialogue in this summer’s hit blockbuster Straight Outta Compton. The e-mail begins, verbatim, as follows:
Subject: STRAIGHT OUTTA SUNNYVALE: Daily Fantasy Football
Wuddup my n*****,
Ice Cube here. In addition to promoting my new film “Straight Outta Compton”, in theaters now, I’m here to represent for my homies on the Yahoo Daily Fantasy team. They busted ass to bring you what you all been waiting for: Daily Fantasy Football!

No, acclaimed rapper and extraordinaire Ice Cube was not working at Yahoo Sports. This email was sent by former Yahoo employee Jerry Shen. This isn’t a joke. This happened. Our undercover team was able to uncover this using their secret techniques and a cursory understanding of the Google search engine.
This scandal brings to light an issue even more insidious than the classless misrepresentation of acclaimed rapper and extraordinaire Ice Cube’s interests: the classless identity theft of acclaimed rapper and extraordinaire Ice Cube.
Acclaimed rapper and extraordinaire Ice Cube is his own person, and identity theft is a serious crime. Using our special Golden Words intelligence, we were able to identify some other instances of Ice Cube identity theft. It appears as though an unidentified adulterer was using Ice Cube’s image to Catfish other unsuspecting adulterers on the infamous Ashley Madison website. The profile description read as follows:
I never have dinner with the President
I never have dinner with the President
I never have dinner with the President
And when I see your ass again, I’ll be hesitant

If you’re not familiar, these are actual Ice Cube lyrics, demonstrating just how serious this issue is. Fear not, however; Ice Cube is happily married and will be celebrating his 24th anniversary with his lovely wife next April.

 

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