If you read this title and expect us to answer the question in this article, you are sorely mistaken. Seriously, Golden Words knows absolutely nothing about our new dictatorial overlords, and neither does anyone else. After the new team, CBW, was acclaimed without actually entering the campaign period, they have been appointed to the head positions of the AMS without ever actually having to… you know… campaign….
Fun fact, AMS teams are not allowed to discuss or promote their platform or ideas before the campaign period. Do you know what that means? This new team could have been running a racist, anti-semitic, sexist, transphobic, homophobic, and anti-Golden Words platform, and the AMS rules are literally barred them from telling us. Are they racist? We don’t know. Golden Words attempted to find team CBW’s shittily made website – an expected feature of an AMS campaign – but was unable to find it, lending more credence to the possibility of team CBW having secrets to hide. Here are some of the questions that Golden Words has about CBW’s platform:
Does team CBW want to institute “separate but equal” water fountains for Commerce students?
Does team CBW want to create a bridge between the JDUC and the ARC? And then only allow supporters of the patriarchy across?
Does team CBW want to promote LGBT pride by forcing all LGBT students to wear rainbow flags at all times on campus?
Does team CBW support Charlie Hebdo?
Does team CBW not support Charlie Hebdo?
Does team CBW want to support healthy living on campus by making all students over the average weight run laps?
Does team CBW want to impose quotas on campus such that 50% of the student population is female?
Does team CBW support the annexation of Crimea?
Does team CBW murder children named Gary under the age of 3?
Does team CBW want to ban vaccinations?
As you can see, Golden Words, nay, the entirety of campus has questions that should have been answered before they were given a budget of 13.469 MILLION FUCKING DOLLARS. Seriously, do you know how many horrible awful things you can do with that kind of money? You could do some seriously racist and homophobic things with that kind of money. Not saying that CBW is racist or sexist or anything. Saying that they hate a particular ethnic group of students would be slanderous and maybe untrue. Perhaps team CBW hates vegetarians and wants to secretly put meat in all vegetarian meals. Who knows?
Team CBW is shrouded in a cloak of mystery and slanderous allegations made only by us. Would you vote for team CBW? Would you support this team whose platform you can only imagine may be horribly offensive? Well too bad, because as a student and member of the AMS who pays their student fees, you have absolutely no say in who spends that 13 million dollars. Putin, Hitler and Kim Jong Un would be proud of our democratic process.