Join Queen’s Varsity Jaywalking

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Have you ever wanted to join a varsity team but realized that you have none of the natural skills or personal conviction to make a team? Well let me tell you there is still hope! If you have even a fraction of the skills listed below you’re good enough for us, Queen’s Varsity Jaywalking.

1.      Move
If you can walk, run, skip, frolic, roll, fly, or crawl for just over three meters at a time you already have every one of the physical attributes of our athletes.

 

2.      Disregard for Personal Safety
Tap into your inner Evel Knievel! Have you ever wanted to do somewhat dangerous activities just for the shits and gigs? Don’t worry you won’t need to do anything too crazy like cliff jumping or motorcycle flips, just have the hard as nails grit to step out in front of moving vehicles, the ninth largest cause of death worldwide.

 

3.      An Aggressively Obnoxious Disregard for Others
 Not only is Jaywalking going to push you to your physical limits it will also challenge you emotionally. You must be prepared to be the most utterly assholeish version of yourself. Someone is driving and has right of way, WRONG! You need to train and nothing, nothing will keep you from attaining Jaywalking victory. If you think you’re too nice for this, have no fear, we have classes to help knock that common decency right out of you. It includes a three hour summary on American foreign policy over the past ten years and marathon of all three The Godfather movies. Believe me, well make a jerk out of you!
Queen’s has had a proud history in the quasi legal sport of Jaywalking. Since the laying of that beautiful interlocking stone road we call University Avenue, Queen’s students have inadvertently become perfectly conditioned to the art of Jaywalking, (I bet your haven’t even noticed the crosswalks). Just last year Queen’s student, Richard Strut, won the J-Cups, yes two of them, for crossing the Arc de Triomphe’s seven lane roundabout in Paris, France.
Jaywalking is a great way to meet friends, get out, enjoy the day, and learn highly life applicable skills. The zig zag pattern used to train in standard practice is greatly applicable in daily life. Not only is it the most effective way to train for Jaywalking, the zig zag formation is also useful for running away from crocodiles and alligators as well as dodging enemy fire.

 Now it’s your turn! Join the team! Add the next chapter to Queen’s Varsity Jaywalking!
Find us anywhere and everywhere, any time and every time on University Ave., can’t wait to see you!

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