Join the Blue Jays Bandwagon Today!

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Have you visited Toronto recently and been confused to find large mobs of people wearing Blue Jays jerseys? If so, do you envy the people in these mobs and wish you could fit in so effortlessly in a group of people? Are you sad that the Leafs haven’t been a real sports team in centuries? Then become a Blue Jays Fan™!
Becoming a Blue Jays Fan™ is easy! All you need are three things: a Blue Jays jersey, a vague knowledge of baseball and/or sports, and a burning hatred for the New York Yankees. A few overpriced $12 beers will also help coping with the boredom of watching 3 long hours of baseball out in the hot sun.
Before becoming a fan, you must get a jersey. This part’s easy. Go on mlb.com, type in your credit card number and lament the loss of $250 dollars for a shirt you’ll only ever wear once. While you’re shopping, you might as well spend $50 more on a hat that you might actually wear somewhere other than to a game. 
Congratulations, you are now you’re 2/3rds of the way to having a full baseball uniform! You might be thinking I’m going to tell you to get a pair of blue jays pants. Do not buy the pants! If you do, you might be mistaken for a real Blue Jay and be asked to throw a few pitches when the Jays pitchers blow the lead again in the 9th. 
What’s that? You were too eager and already bought a pair of Jays pants before you read my warning not to buy them? It looks like you’ll do well to fit in with a crowd of impulsive bandwagoners, but whatever you do DO NOT wear the pants! On second thought, DO NOT wear any pants. That way it will be easy to show off the huge hard on you have for a baseball team you know nothing about.
With your new hat and jersey, you are officially a Blue Jays Fan™! But before you go to a game, you should learn a little bit about the sport they’re playing. Learn some baseball jargon like: home run, infield fly, ground-rule double, pinch runner, double play, and stolen base. Don’t bother learning what these words mean, just put them together in a sentence with some verbs in between and you’re golden. Try saying things like “Wow! Bautista hits so many home runs and infield flies that the pinch runner’s short-handed ground rule double doesn’t even make the double play into a stolen base”. Everyone will be super impressed with your baseball knowledge. No one will even notice the hockey terminology you mixed in.
Finally, you must HATE the Yankees. Not just dislike them, but detest them, despise them with all of the deepest darkest parts of your soul. I’m not going to tell you who the Yankees are or why you hate them, all that matters is YOU HATE THEM. Go to Roger’s center with a sign that says “FUCK THE YANKEES” even if the Yankees aren’t playing. Bring a Yankees jersey and a bottle of gasoline, jump on the field and burn the jersey in a satanic ritual. If you find a Yankees fan, sacrifice them immediately and burn them as part of your jersey-burning ritual. Don’t worry, this is the one time that murder is legal in Canada.
After completing the ritualistic murder and burning of a Yankees fan, you will officially be a Blue Jays Fan™. Enjoy wearing your overpriced Jersey, drinking your overpriced beer, while watching an overpriced playoff game and relish the fact that for the first time in your life, you fit in with a group of people.

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