Kingstonians Outraged at Gale Force Winds Produced by Giant Fans on Wolfe Island


At Kingston’s city council meeting last Sunday, some residents of the town issued their complaints regarding Wolfe Island’s wind turbines. Contrary to the popular “visually unappealing” turbine concerns, local citizen, Gerald Mason, accused the island’s power generators of being the cause of Kingston’s harsh winds. Mason began to suggest that the rotation of the turbines’ blades generates the cold winds bombarding the city’s residents on a daily basis. Furthermore, Gerald explained how the wind turbines also require vast amounts of energy in order to put their blades into motion. His passion and wisdom on the subject rallied other residents behind him, urging the city of Kingston to cease the turbines’ operation.

To accommodate, the council has decided to run a full-fledged investigation into the wind turbines’ power consumption and wind production. Queen’s mechanical engineering professor, Ian Wall, was consulted on the topic: “Are you fucked? The entire purpose of a wind turbine is to generate power from the motion of the blades. Do you think all wind comes from turbines? This is so many levels of stupid it actually hurts.” Until further examination, the turbines’ blades will remain stationary to avoid any power loss.

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