Kingston’s Popular Animal Justice Initiatives

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In wake of the recent slaughter of our lord-and-saviour Harambe, animal rights and the protection of endangered species have enjoyed a much-memed turn in the spotlight. You’ve already had the chance to Rage for Harambe and commemorate our OG silverback daddy with a somber, respectful candlelight vigil. If you’re still up for saving the planet one majestic creature at a time, check out these other events in the Kingston community.

D’s Out for Kittys

If your dick is out for Harambe, you’ll want to keep it out for Kingston’s most popular event for cat lovers! Join the Kingston Humane Society and Napanee’s Freedom Field Naturist Ranch as they join forces for Southeastern Ontario’s largest naked search party for the region’s missing cats. The search begins at 6:48am sharp in the field behind the Via Rail station. All ages welcome!

As an added bonus for participants, organizers will be handing out awards in a variety of categories, including:

Most cats found
Most cats found and then lost again
Biggest dick
Biggest cat dick
Most phallic-looking Sphynx cat
Most Sphynx-cat looking phallus

WASPs for Wasps

Are you of Saxon blood? Are you exceedingly proud of that fact? Are you shocked and appalled by the impending extinction of Earth’s most important pollinators and honey producers? Then grab your Confederate flags and your garden hoes and bring them to our meeting next Sunday morning at the D. John Trump Community Church. This week, we’ll plant bee-friendly plants such as lilacs and sage. Stay with us after the gardening for a nice kiddush luncheon, with a sermon by special guest Mel Gibson!

Note: There is no official dress code for this event, but many of our members are partial to cloaks and hoods.

Horny Horny Hippos

Maybe you’re not a huge fan of gardening and Mel Gibson. Or maybe the dry cleaner just hasn’t returned your cloak and hood yet. Either way, if you want to work it and jerk it to save Southeast Africa’s critically endangered Black Rhinoceros, Kingston’s infamous Plaza sex club is hosting the event for you! For a mere $0.69 donation (proceeds going to the World Wildlife Fund), you can fuck the night away with like-minded conservationists who are hornier than the rhinos themselves.

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