Here at Golden Words we occassionally get mail because, unbeknownst to us, someone has been printing up and delivering this paper all around campus for fifty years now. Now we’ve gotten emails of all sorts, but here are some of our favourites.
I read “top 50 fifties” last week and I honestly don’t know why I expected anything less than the number fifty printed fifty times. But I did… so thanks for raising my standards, keep up the good work!
I must say I was incredibly disappointed with your editorial decision to print a story on “Farting 101” rather than devote some space in the newspaper to the civil unrest in Tunisia. I will resume my subscription when you start covering the real news.
Dear Golden Words,
Your incredibly nuanced work by the author “Civil Armrest” on the article “Deus Sex Machina: A guide to inserting your floppy disk into a D drive”. It was your groundbreaking exposé that got me really thinking about my stagnated relationship with my Macbook,. We’d let things lose their lustre after I’d first logged in. Over the years I had taken her for granted and just assume she’d be there next time without really knowing why, kind of like the electronic equivalent of the Green Party. Since reading your article, we have rekindled our relationship. After a long day at the office, now I change my desktop wallpaper to a sensual picture of candles and plug in my headphones with R. Kelly before jerking it.
How does one actually get a floppy disk into a computers D drive, when it is not an external access port but a memory location?
Drax the Destroyer
Spotted you last night at stages. You were dressed all in black, looking handsome as you apparently had a stroke in time to the pulsing lights. I don’t know why, but the combination of your mullet, your distinct odour of hippo and the glow in the dark disco pants you were wearing has completely unlocked the door to my libido. Email me at email@example.com to have the greatest night of your life.
Hey GW Editors,
We actually read your paper this morning. Cut that shit out… all of it.
Hey Golden Words,
Need some article suggestions pronto. And before you say it, shut up, we’re not releasing the paper every other year to maximize news to bullshit ratios.
If you ever want to say things to us, nasty or nice, send it to firstname.lastname@example.org.