Life Up Your Sex Spice


You think you know what it means to really LOVE someone? Of course you do, that’s easy. But when it comes to life-ing up the sex spice in your life, we both know you could use some improvement. My guess is that your current sex spice life revolves around eating an entire XL pizza with your girlfriend/boyfriend of 6 months, putting on Netflix and having 4 minutes of really efficient sex in between somewhere. Now that’s what I call bad sex spice. There were only 3 different types of spice in that pizza sauce. Not nearly enough spices to sex up your life. Not NEARLY.

If you REALLY want to add spice to your sex, start with oregano. Go out to Fluid, buy their most expensive and finest sambuca then give it to the person of your fancy. When you eventually bring them home, bring out the oregano, and spice up that bitch. If you threw in a few cayenne pepper pieces like I asked you to, that bitch should be burning up. Remember, the center of human existence and experience is through the eyes, so don’t hold back on the eye spice. Get it in there good. I’m talking pink eye levels of thoroughness.

If you don’t gain sexual pleasure from watching someone else roll around on the floor in pain after throwing cayenne peppers in their eyes, then your sex spice probably already had enough sex spice in it. I am, after all, an evil magician from two dimensions over. I just came to use your washroom. I’ll be on my way.