Many students who never got over living in residence report being unexpected conditions to move into their new apartments at 663 Princess due to incomplete construction. Our sources tell us that this is not due to the fact they tried to rebuild the entire fucking thing in a year, but rather due to poor management of funds. After a very aggressive marketing campaign, Patry Inc.™© reportedly blew all their money on Xboxes and TV’s for students signing a lease. A leaked financial document that we found on the ground shows that over $1.2 million was spent on those branded beer cozies alone.
From that same leaked financial document, we ascertained that the weekly private staff parties at the Plaza may have also contributed to the fund mismanagement. Invoices were found include receipts for 30 gallons of Cristal Champagne, limo rides to the plaza, and regular $50,000 cash withdrawals to “make it rain, uhh hammers and nails and legitimate construction things”
Although Jay Patry was unavailable for comment, Kingston Police Media Relations Officer Steve Koopman was for some reason, “[Patry Inc] managed to cut costs by using students to do all of their advertising, the limo they sent every night to campus with the fully stocked bar turned may have pushed the budget over”, the constable reported, “To ensure community safety we have ourselves thoroughly inspected the vehicle and
Back at the apartment complex most residents are trying to make the best of the situation, “It’s really nice being able to have the free Starbucks machine downstairs, that makes it worth it, even though I am missing the outside wall of my unit” reports resident Sarah McGuiness, who is finding ways to make due as the weather winds down, “so far we’ve been able to cover ourselves with beer cozies and use the free Xbox we got as a stove”. “I for one welcome the construction, with the noise I don’t have to hear my flatmate whenever he brings his boyfriend over anymore” says Paul Schaffer, “He’s a vocal student so it projects really well when they fuck.” Paul acted as our guide throughout the building; remaining rather optimistic about the place. He showed us the future site of the indoor water park and the tunnel which was promised to be home to be a heated walkway between campus and the apartment complex.
Sarah an Paul may have been one the lucky ones, as other students with leases there have been completely unable to move in – being forced to build their own nests in Stauffer using spit, mud, and old books. (Animal control has still been unable to gain control over the situation, citing fear of getting bitten.)