Local Kingstonian Excited at the Return of Expensive Stealable Bikes

0
21

A local Kingstoner has expressed his excitement at the thought of a fresh supply of easily stealable expensive bikes reportedly saying “The weed-for-bike exchange market has never been healthier.” 
As thousands of new students flood into the freshly cleaned residences*, local Kingstoners are bristling with anticipation. With every successive year comes a fresh batch of students and their high-end bikes as vulnerable as ever. 
“It’s really incredible. These are not dumb kids, y’know?” says Harry Flopper – who made up his name on the spot to protect his identity. “But they just aren’t that security savvy. Any fool with a hacksaw and twenty unobserved seconds can ride off with a shiny new bike.” 
Flopper was walking with his $1,500 dollar road bike, which he assured me was purchased, and sported a vicious beard, tattered jeans, and a lot of dirt. “I’ll give it to you for fifty bucks, you in?” For the record, I was not ‘in’, but he offered to just give it to me if I smoked him in on a joint. 
As I rode my new cheap bike to the store to buy a very expensive lock, the wind blew through my hair and I was once again reminded that biking high is fun as fuck. 

 

Comments