Local Man Confused “Where Did My Friends Go”

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For most university aged people, this past week has been a dip back into the cold harsh realities of the fall (seriously – last week was 30˚C, and I’m currently writing this wrapped in a blanket, long underwear, 2 sweaters, 1 sweatshirt, 3 regular underwear, and a tuque). But while most of us accept that we now have to pay for hot Starbucks drinks instead of cold ones, and once again, hand in crappy papers that we would rather use in a fireplace to keep us warm, Burt Jawcrusher doesn’t get it.
“I don’t get it,” he says. “Last week I was walking around, swimming in the lake, going to club and confusing first years with my friends. Now I’m walking around, swimming in the lake, going to club and confusing first years, but all alone. What happened?”
Jawcrusher’s friends issued a joint statement: “We are all too busy to chill 24/7 with Burt.”
Our reporter went back to Burt to explain to him that they were all working, and he should too. “I do work! I work at least 3 times a day! Unless they’re all at the old PEC, I’m pretty sure they’re not working ‘cause I’ve been all over the ARC and can’t see them anywhere.”
The exasperated author (that’s me) then left Burt, knowing that some people are just destined for that other university (I was as confused as you are to learn there are others), and it is fruitless to change that.

 

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