Last issue of the year! Yay. We all hate doing this gig. Anyway, after religiously devouring our paper for the semester you’re probably going to want some sort of closure from Volume 50. Throughout the summer, you probably won’t be able to laugh at all. It happens to all of us. We can only say tough shit – we’re not in the business of handouts Bernie Sanders/Communist McLenin. Once school is over and you’re back in your small town, you’re probably going to keep up with your drinking habits and trying to listen to some dope bangers. You think you might be set with Party Up (Party Up in Here) by DMX or Hands On The Wheel by ScHoolboy Q Ft. A$AP Rocky, but everyone’s already heard those songs 100 times at their schools. Soooo, as an experienced party DJ (meaning that I plug my phone into the aux without asking), I thought I would give you guys some lowkey bangers to keep the party bumping and the friendly, well-intentioned dancing going.
1) R. Kelly – Step in the Name of Love
Everyone might think that the go-to RK song is Ignition (Remix), but let’s be honest, we’ve heard it so many times that we know what happens when they close the lobby. On the other hand, Step in the Name of Love is a smooth, R&B classic by the Pied Piper of R&B himself. No seriously, he actually calls himself the Pied Piper of R&B. Classic R. Kelly.
2) Ludacris ft. Nate Dogg – Area Codes (I Got Hoes in Different Area Codes)
Speaking of people giving themselves nicknames, this is THE banger. Luda calls himself “the Abominable Hoe-man” and drops phresh verses on top of a dirty, bumping beat. If you’re growing tired of songs that are mostly human words, this one is pure, unadulterated numbers, CompEng this one is for you!
3) Timber by Ke$ha
It’s going down – I’m yelling timber!!! This song represents the cumulation of a career spanning from Tik Tok to Love Game to this. Even with the sinking Canadian dollar, Ke$ha is still worth 70% of her US counterpart, and for good reason – catching lyrics, Pitbull, and inappropriate references that your cousin in the car won’t understand.
4) The Pokemon Theme Song by My Childhood
Everyone knows this song! It may not make for the hot and heavy tunes you’re looking for, but it’ll sure get you the confidence to tell that girl that you like how you can name Pokemon just by their cries.
5) September by Earth Wind and Fire
RIP Maurice White. I true visionary, he dropped this R&B, soul, funk, disco fusion song with his crew/family. I always thought of him as the Earth in the band name, his family as the Wind, and this song as STRAIGHT FIIIIRE. A Bar Mitzvah classic if you’ve ever been to one. This will get mom and dad up to dance. And don’t get me started on the single moms and dads – they’re gonna get it.