Man Seeking Blowcareer not Blowjob

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To whom it may concern,

    

    I am a third year computer engineering student. I am a hard worker and a diligent employee and I am writing this letter because I believe you have within your company a position that I am best suited for. You see I am what they call a blow job enthusiast, a connoisseur, a practitioner of the highest calibre and I think your company could use someone of my unique and potent talents. In my time, I have accrued over a thousand hours of what has been described in equal measures as “fervid”, “impassioned” and “weirdly platonic” oral sex and I am eager to bring my talents to your company. I think every proud Canadaian busines can use a person on staff who is trained and ready to distribute oral sex during times of anxiety, or success, or just monotony. I am a hard worker, willing to multi-task, and as I have mentioned before extremely experienced in the art of giving pleasure to another person using exclusively my mouth.

I hope my sales pitch has caught your attention, but before I proceed further, one caveat I need to expunge in detail is that I do not under any circumstance give out handjobs. Some rapscallions and philistines may swear by the effectiveness of a hand job. However, I love my craft, I consider it an art, and I will not stand to see any variety of shakeweighty motions on the same celestial pedestal that is the intimate beauty of putting a genital inside your mouth and then thrusting onto said genital with both rhythm and stamina. And another improtant caveat, I am no mere amateur that is looking for an entry-level blow *job*! Psssh tssh. I am looking for a blow career. If you don’t have a position that offers options to contribute to my personal and professional growth do not consider replying to me.

I have received an absolute abundance of horrific responses jokingly or otherwise asking me for a “blow job” without talk of compensation, benefits packages, or retirement plans. I find this to be abhorrent that an artisan of my talent and dedication would be trifled in such a way. Would you ask Steven Spielberg to film your second son’s bar mitzvah? Would you ask Gordon Ramsay to make macaroni and cheese? Psshah, I similarily am a revered practitioner amongst my peers and most highly valued. If i were being immodest I would mention that Oral Fixation Monthly has me as Top Performer of the Year for three years running, as well as People’s Choice award recipient for the past three years. I demand the consideration that that hard-earned title has earned.

    In closing, I am a diligent worker, a team player, and I can’t stress this enough skilled at coordinating my mouth and tongue in order to best simulate oral pleasure. I will be a long-term asset to any company who hires me and finally, I absolutely cannot stress this enough, I give magnificent head. So if you or any of your associates can see a place for me in your respective organisations I urge you to give me a response at artisanaloral@igivegoodhead.net or call me at (416) 660 0430

 

Cheers,

 

Two and a Half Black Men

 

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