Mob of Arts Students #OFFENDED by Wealthy Alumnus’ Choice to Generously Donate Money He Earned through Essentially Everything but the Arts to Queen’s Business School

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On Thursday October 1st, the Queen’s School of Business died only to be resurrected $50 million more superior than it already was before−re-named after its disgustingly successful, intelligent benefactor Stephen J.R. Smith−and Arts students can’t even.
“They already have a Starbucks and squishy chairs with fucking wheels; I don’t see how this is fair and I think someone’s privilege needs to be checked to make me feel better about my general lack of direction in life” one 6th year Gender Studies student* argued.
When asked by a struggling philosophy major why he, a businessman, would “rather immortalize his name by making it rain on one of the most prestigious business schools in the country than through funding a program that encourages the 3 C’s: creativity, contemplation, and couch-surfing bro”, Smith simply shrugged off the student’s inquiry and asked for extra cream cheese on his bagel.
Unfortunately, the important, fancy men in suits have neglected to set aside a portion of Smith’s modest contribution of 50 fucking MILLION DOLLARS to hire a half-legitimate graphic designer for the school’s new logo, with a representative from Tricolour Outlet passionately protesting that “even [they] could do better than that!”.
 *source has requested to be identified as a gluten-free non-binary
 

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