Mob of Arts Students #OFFENDED by Wealthy Alumnus’ Choice to Generously Donate Money He Earned through Essentially Everything but the Arts to Queen’s Business School


On Thursday October 1st, the Queen’s School of Business died only to be resurrected $50 million more superior than it already was before−re-named after its disgustingly successful, intelligent benefactor Stephen J.R. Smith−and Arts students can’t even.
“They already have a Starbucks and squishy chairs with fucking wheels; I don’t see how this is fair and I think someone’s privilege needs to be checked to make me feel better about my general lack of direction in life” one 6th year Gender Studies student* argued.
When asked by a struggling philosophy major why he, a businessman, would “rather immortalize his name by making it rain on one of the most prestigious business schools in the country than through funding a program that encourages the 3 C’s: creativity, contemplation, and couch-surfing bro”, Smith simply shrugged off the student’s inquiry and asked for extra cream cheese on his bagel.
Unfortunately, the important, fancy men in suits have neglected to set aside a portion of Smith’s modest contribution of 50 fucking MILLION DOLLARS to hire a half-legitimate graphic designer for the school’s new logo, with a representative from Tricolour Outlet passionately protesting that “even [they] could do better than that!”.
 *source has requested to be identified as a gluten-free non-binary