My Grades Don’t Define Me – What Defines Me is My Distaste for Olives


Guys I am sick and tired of it! What is ‘it’ you might ask? Is ‘it’ the political establishment which seeks to only benefit the rich while exploiting the poor? Is ‘it’ a nation built on the genocide of its indigenous population? Is ‘it’ the way in which our society lauds social action and yet wears clothing built by children in sweatshops?

Close. I mean these things are probably bad I guess but what I’m actually sick of is how much people seem to care about grades! Grades this, grades that – you’d think grades determine where you go in life, who hires you, and what master’s degree you get into! It’s gotten to a point where I feel like grades are more important than the subjective positive qualities I validate myself with. Outrageous.

Take for example every time you get a midterm or an essay back. Everyone is always like “How did you do?” It’s like, come on guys, Elon Musk dropped out of Queen’s so why is it such a big deal if I might? Yeah sure he went on to invent a new form of automobile that doesn’t require fossil fuels and he plans on colonizing Mars, but how shit was his GPA? Probably pretty bad if I were to guess in a way to validate my own opinion.

I always see people in Commerce bemoaning the fact that they need to have their GPA put on a rank against each other. “Boohoo”, they cry out through heavily done foundation and mascara. “Why must I have my sense of self worth and entitlement questioned by seeing other people work harder than me!” Whenever I hear this I scoff. “Scoff”, I say. You think getting your sense of self worth and entitlement questioned is bad? Think about getting your sense of mediocrity questioned like I do. People constantly tell me that I’m not as mediocre as I would otherwise hope.

I’m serious about this guys – I don’t want my grades to define me. I’d much rather more important things define me. I’ll pass on my personality and the way I treat others though, I’m talking about my particularly strong distaste for olives. Look, it’s not like I’m discriminating against olives simply because I think they are an inferior food. Rather, I don’t think olives should count as food because THEY ARE FUCKING GROSS. They aren’t just insularly disgusting – they actually infiltrate and destroy all other foods that cross their pit-covered paths. The number of pure Greek salads that they have made me throw out is innumerable.

A lot of you may say Alex, do you actually want to be defined by your disdain for olives rather than grades, or did you want to mock people who care about grades too much and also the fact that you hate olives in one editorial?

And to that I say: ART.