Mystery Concert Revealed to be Principal Woolf Playing Rock Band

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The Mystery Concert is an annual tradition held during Orientation Week where ORT, the Orientation Round Table, organizes a faculty-wide concert for the incoming class. The tradition holds that the concert line-up be kept secret until the day of, where it is revealed only hours before the event. Past performers have included the likes of Hollerado, the New Pornographers and Down with Webster. This year, the class of 2019 was treated to Queen’s University’s own Principal Daniel Woolf playing his entire set on popular video game Rock Band 2.
The news that Principal Woolf was headlining broke when a Queen’s student posted on Overheard a picture of Woolf in line with his plastic Rock Band guitar at the Johnson-Division Starbucks. After the picture went viral with over 2,000 likes and Yik-Yak spam, the AMS immediately responded by releasing the news officially on their Facebook page, claiming they were on a tight budget and Woolf said he would do the concert for free stuff from the Campus Bookstore. Woolf commented on the AMS post, “I just really wanted a Queen’s Dad mug without having to shell out $24.56”
Come time for performance and after the concert volunteers set up the console and projector, Principal Woolf kicked off the concert with Carry on Wayward Son by Kansas on medium mode guitar. Woolf proved his multi-instrumentalism by alternating with ease between guitar, bass and microphone. “I don’t do drums,” Woolf joked on stage. Complimenting a diverse catalogue of songs, Woolf’s set consisted of numerous costume changes, most notably a tuxedo made of meat and a bedazzled tricolour jumpsuit.”What can I say?” Woolf smirked as he twirled to showcase his tuxedo make entirely made of meat, “Lady Gaga and Neil Diamond are my fashion inspirations.”
When asked about the show, a concert go-er said she wasn’t quite sure what she was watching, but whatever it was, it was the reason she chose to come to Queen’s. Another freshmen was particularly impressed with Woolf’s vocal note streak: “I  think he got up to 97% for when he sang Give it Away by the Red Hot Chili Peppers. It was truly inspirational.” Woolf’s performance was met with critical praise, with special acclamation for his dad dance moves. Woolf even attempted the ArtSci year dance on stage, but like all the ArtSci frosh, he didn’t know the dance for shit.
Woolf, after his final song of Hungry Like The Wolf by Duran Duran, took a moment to promote Rock Band 2 compilation album and safe drinking: “Instead of spending $25 on alcohol, promote the local arts by buying you and a friend a copy of my CD!” Woolf said to the audience clutching the album to his chest, “I even designed the album art! Microsoft Paint is a wonderful tool!” Woolf then abruptly ended the concert when he threw tricolour confetti into the air and crowd-drove into the audience, never to re-emerge.
Principal Woolf  is still missing today.

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