NASA Hosts Kegger


The National Aeronautics and Space Administration, strapped for cash amid a round of U.S. government cutbacks, has announced a new fundraising initiative to help cover their soaring costs.
Bob Jackerhoff, NASA Operations Director, said: “Basically, we’re going to have a kegger at the ISS so we can afford new spaceships. If we sell a bunch of tickets at $86 mill a pop, we should have just enough to buy a secondhand rocketship from Space-X.
“We created a Facebook event last week. We asked the IRS to invite anyone they know that probably has enough money to afford to attend. So far not that many people have clicked ‘attend’ but I think we’ll end up having enough people. Most people choose to go to keggers the night of anyways.’
Richard Branson, billionaire and total bro said: “Yeah, dude, I’m going. You going? If you need to bum a ride I’ll hook you up. Elon Musk is coming, He’s my pong partner.”
Golden Words interviewed Canadian Former Astronaut Chris Hadfield. “Yeah, should be fun. Have you ever done a Zero-G keg stand? You can drink way more when you’re in space. In fact, this will probably be the first space kegger since the Russian-American Keg race of 2001 in the MIR space station. They had to decommission it shortly after because someone threw up all over a rack of computer servers.”
The Canadian Space Agency, upon hearing of the kegger, announced their own fundraising to purchase a ticket for, and arrange travel to, the party.
D.J. Ruska, CSA director, said: “Well, ever since Russia went all crazy and started invading the Ukraine and shit, the government hasn’t been allowing us to ride up to the ISS in their spaceships and we don’t have enough cash to buy a seat on a private spacecraft. The cost of a kegger ticket also exceeds our annual budget. Effective immediately, all CSA personnel have been directed to focus their efforts on door to door sales of chocolate covered peanuts.”