Just what the fuck NASA? I trusted you and loved you!
Last week a friend sent me a news link of NASA warning for 6 days of darkness in December due to some sort of rocket-science reasons of which I, as a dedicated arts student, understood not even a word. The news came with a video clip of a dude very professionally instructing the NASA family to prepare for the incoming darkness by means such as digging a hole in the living room and hide in it, and robbing the closest drug and liquor store nearby to pass out before the darkness comes and scares the shit out of everyone.
Obviously I was thrilled by the news since I had absolutely nothing fun to do during the Winter Holiday anyway, being half an Earth away from homeland China where Christmas is never a very important thing (“burn in hell, you’ll never get off the naughty list!” I get people yelling and throwing torches at me all the time when I say this kinda stuff, so I’m cool with it) and all. I mean, this is like December 2012 all over again – although that didn’t really happen and I almost got arrested for running naked on the street yelling “let’s have an orgy on the last day of the world!”, but this is so much better! First of all this time it’s way more creative than a meteor or a volcano eruption or a nuclear war. It’s pure darkness! Literally like the devil’s magic or dark magic or dark matter or whatever. Second of all, although it will seem much like the end of the world, we won’t really die, at least I won’t because I’m smart (obviously).
So I was already taking down a list of options I could do. I could run around naked again like the last time, but since it’ll be so dark that no one will see my No-shave-November’s-pride, it’s not really worth it to freeze my dick off just to salute to nude artists. I could make every day like a Friday night and get really drunk and fucked and run around on the street, but that’ll just make me seem like a very fucked-up person. Or I could finally test my theory that if I get to sleep for a week I will become a hundred times smarter and finish my degree in a month, but I actually sleep in daylight, so it wouldn’t work. Last option, I could at least fetch some friends who are smart like me and make use of our very-expensive-but-didn’t-get-us-laid Halloween costumes and play zombie apocalypse pranks all over Queen’s on other Froshes who might not be used to weird scary dudes walking around at night in Kingston yet.
Just when I was already packing my dorm with junk food and rum and getting prepared for my big plans, someone came and told me that the whole 6-day-darkness thing is just a hoax. I was so pissed!
Seriously, WTF NASA! How can you do this to me! I’ve trusted you so much ever since I saw your Armstrong-walking-on-the-moon picture! And that dude in the 6-day-darkness video looked so much like Director Fury who forgot to wear an eye patch! I loved you NASA, but you have betrayed me! I’m writing a letter to the Chinese government right now requesting to block you from Chinese Internet viewers. I must stop you from hurting innocent people like me. Next time you release a December disaster prediction trying to horrify people, choose something more reliable!