New Health Acceptance: “Health at All blood Alcohol Contents” Takes Over Campus

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A new health focused group called “Health at Every Blood Alcohol Contents”, or HEBAC has emerged on campus. According to their mission statement online, they are a group that works to fight against the sober privilege that is so prevalent in society. They operate under the slogan “Real Men Have Slurs”. 
“You are more than just a number on a breathalyzer”, says founder and co-president Keiran Sanders. “More people die every year of alcohol shaming than liver disease. It’s crazy to think how many ‘alcoholics’ die from not getting medical attention because they can’t drive to the hospital because their licenses were taken away from driving ‘under the influence’. Absolutely sickening”. 
The first campaign by the group involves counteracting the oppression caused by police officers who hand out DUIs. “If an officer wants to breathalyze you, you say NO!”, preached HEBAC member Noam Smith. “You will not be drinkshamed! If they arrest you, ask for how they would charge a sober person.” 
The movement is making waves within the Queen’s community. Students are rolling out of bed on Saturday mornings, and rolling to the HEBAC with their half empty gatorade bottles and sweatpants. The group strikes a chord specifically with those who find themselves metabolizing alcohol slower that than their counterparts. “It’s not fair – people say I drink too much hard alcohol, but I know people who drink a glass of wine at EVERY DINNER, and don’t get shamed.” 
It is unclear as to what the future of this group is. However, the permeating theme of “Drinking Is Beauty” is gaining attention across campus. After asking Sanders what he wants most from the group, he replied that people should realize that Alcoholics deserve romance, just like other people who show up to dates blackout and naked.
 

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