New Tesla Model S P85D Unleashes ‘Insane Mode’


Concerns Raised Over Safety Of Electric Vehicles


Tesla Motors has constantly been at the forefront of electric vehicle technology, showing the world that electric vehicles are not only better than gasoline vehicles on environmental impact, but are all-around better in every category. The company has recently unveiled the latest addition to its family of electric cars – the Model S P85D. This car comes with a new ‘Insane Mode’ which unlocks the true power of the vehicle. This mode is activated simply by pressing a large red button labelled “INSANE MODE” on the car’s dash. When activated, the car switches on several hidden motors, allowing the car to accelerate from 0 to 60mph in a mere 16 milliseconds. While this acceleration is impressive, several other features which Tesla has been quiet about have recently been revealed, and have become extremely controversial amongst automobile critics and legal experts.

The Model S P85D can break the sound barrier. These speeds are well above the speed limit on almost all roads in the world, and would surely result in hefty fines and loss of license if caught. However, unless the police are driving a P85D, they will not be able to catch these speeders, making the car an ideal getaway car. As most police stations cannot afford to replace their fleet with high-end electric cars, many governments have been protesting the vehicle and have already begun passing bills banning its sale.

Electric cars are notoriously quiet vehicles. However, once the car is travelling above the sound barrier, a sonic boom is created from the sheer speed of the vehicle. These sonic booms are normally only ever produced by aircraft which are far enough away from earth that the sound doesn’t damage anybody’s hearing. At ground level, the sonic boom has a volume over 200 decibels which is enough to cause immediate, irreversible hearing damage, break glass, and in extreme cases can even kill small children.

Good weather is a requirement of driving any vehicle at these speeds. The ‘insane mode’ has a weather-altering feature which can drastically alter the weather patterns near the P85D. While the intention is that drivers will use this feature to prevent precipitation from falling near their vehicles, it can in fact be used to alter the weather in many other ways. For example, it can be used to prevent rain from ever falling in a specific area, or it can be used to create a small tornado capable of destroying a small town. The UN is concerned about a new form of warfare, meteorological warfare, developing as a result of these cars. Countries could prevent enemy nations from receiving rain, destroying their agriculture and causing massive famines and droughts. This kind of warfare would represent huge human rights violations. The UN is urging all countries to boycott these cars. Unfortunately, their attempts have proved futile as the UN has no real power and on a global stage, the world is in a state of anarchy.

Rumors have also recently been circulating around rumours of the backseat of the P85D being able to act as an electric chair when ‘insane mode’ is activated. If the feature does in fact exist, it may be a nod to the company’s namesake, Nikola Tesla, a Serbian inventor from the early 1900s who was fascinated by electricity. One of Tesla’s rivals was Thomas Edison who was a driving force behind the development of the electric chair. Having an electric chair in the back of the car is symbolic of how Tesla was always a step ahead of Edison. It also gives the driver an appreciation of the sacrifices early electrical engineers made, constantly working very close to strong currents of dangerous electricity. The company denies that this feature exists.

Seeing these features of this electric car, many people who object to electric cars have been wildly using rumours of these features to try to ban the sale of any electric cars and put Tesla Motors out of business. “Electric vehicles just aren’t safe. We shouldn’t be using them. They’re even bad for the environment as they can cause large scale, immediate change to weather, which has a more drastic effect than global warming. We should really just stick with fossil fuels” said a spokesperson from OPEC. Some critics have gone as far as to say “what’s next nuclear vehicles which double as atomic missiles?” somehow missing the fact that nuclear energy is actually a very safe, sustainable, efficient form of energy with very low emissions which has even been called the “energy of the future” based on the prediction that many countries will invest heavily in nuclear energy in the next several decades.