With reading week right around the corner, it’s time to start packing for your vacation down south! We at golden words took the liberty of making this list of some cool and fun essential items to bring. Don’t worry about packing your standards or your dignity, those will also be on vacation.

Sunscreen: Since you live in Kingston, there’s no doubt in our mind that your skin is paler than Michael Jackson in 2011. Slap on some sunscreen so you don’t end up coming back as red as Mr. Krabs and crusty like my favorite rock sock (Krusty Krab :P).

Swim Trunks: You don’t want to go in the ocean naked or else a Krusty Krab might grab on to your Plankton and/or Bikini Bottom.

Passport: If you don’t bring this, you’ll have to spend your reading week taking out a line of credit at the wank bank along with the other Steven Glandsbergs of Queen’s.

47 Pairs of Underwear: You’ll be leaving behind the 28 pairs ruined by explosive diarrhea.

Condoms: Still got that old condom from first year that’s expiring soon? Don’t lie we know you do. Fingers crossed and that old friend will be strapped onto your trusty steed and ride through the night for the wildest 15 seconds of your trip.

Gameboy Advance SP: Give you something to do while your cooler, more attractive roommate is using your old condoms.

Renaissance Flail: Pretty self-explanatory, use it well.

Sunglasses: The sun produces harmful UV rays that can cause serious damage to your retinas. Sunglasses can help reduce this damage, no one wants to go blind early!

Anal Beads: Have a fun competition with your friends to see who can get the furthest.

Puka Shell Necklace: If you’re not gonna bring this you might as well stay home. If you have one with a shark tooth that will come in handy for formal occasions.

DVDs: You might come face to face with a Cuban drizzle (rain, not the Urban Dictionary sex move) and you can’t do the anal bead competition for a full day, so you have to be prepared. Anything with Kevin James or Adam Sandler post 2009 will suffice.

Binoculars: Get a good view of those old ladies that always go tarps off at the beach for some reason.

Telescope: Get a good view of those old men that always go bottoms off at the beach for some reason.

Loaf of Bread: Feed the ducks!

Casio 991 MS Calculator: Essential for you to get a nice even sin/cos.

GPA: Bring that golden party armor so you can show the locals what a real beach slam is!

We hope this list will help make your reading week a little less mediocre. Have fun, be safe, and good luck in the anal bead competition!

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