Please Cast a Vote in this Election You Know Nothing About


Dear Reader,
This is a personal plea from me to you. It is a plea for democracy. It is a plea for rational decisions. It is a plea for freedom!
On October 27, there is a municipal election happening in Kingston. And, surprisingly, students are allowed to vote – our benevolent leaders have graced us with the right of suffrage and you must take advantage of it. This is a call for the entire student body to go out and cast a vote in an election you are very ill-informed about.
You must congregate at the polls and exercise your right to vote into power the candidate with the funniest name, or whose sign you could remember the most. To live in Canada is to be blessed with the opportunity that so few around the world have – the right to have your say in which power-hungry autocrat gets to make the decisions in your city. There are people all around the world literally sacrificing their lives just to have the chance to spoil their ballot by drawing a penis jizzing over the candidates for Williamsville councilor. Hopefully one day, all peoples of the world can be able to vote for the write-in candidate “Your Mom”.
Statistics consistently show that voter turnout is much lower for young adults than other demographics, and political leaders continue to ignore issues affecting young voters. But casting a vote in this election can show them that the youth of this country do care about the future of their city, province and country, even if you have no idea what the fuck each of the candidates stand for.
The choice is a difficult one. Since municipal politics in non-partisan, there are no political parties that you can use to identify how close to the centre-right each of the candidates are. In addition, the ballot is littered with uninspiring, generic names, like “Rick Downes”, “Ed Smith”, “Mary-Rita Holland”, “Kevin Holland” – not even related! How White can these people get?
This election also lacks an affable, loose-canon mayoral candidate, since Mark Gerretsen is not running for re-election. All of the current candidates lack a social-media-blunder strategy, with no clear plans to make sexist remarks about female voters or complain about homecoming just to bring attention to yourself.
Despite these clear flaws, it is very important for you to vote. Because we’re likely to get screwed over by whoever comes to power, so we might as well shoulder some of the blame for it.
Naked Mole Rat