They say it was Benjamin Franklin who first invented the pro/con list. He sent a letter to a buddy describing how he can come to a decision by putting the pros on one side and the cons on the other. But now it’s 2017 so fuck Benjamin Franklin. We’re gonna show you plebs how to do a point counterpoint with the editors of GW providing co(unter)lour commen(poin)tary.
Point: Counterpoint is a branch of music theory that concerns itself with contrasting a single leading melody with a supporting single harmony to create the sense of a chord. The challenge with Counterpoint is to create a chords without one of the three notes using harmonic structure to imply chording where it is not explicitly played/sung.
Eds: That’s a damn good point right there, that’s what that is. About the pointiest point about counterpoint that’s ever been pointed at by a pointer.
Counterpoint: Points is a word that is often used to denote a score. When a team scores a field goal in basketball it is usually worth two or three points to that team.
Eds: You sick fucks. This is going to be about the sauciest sentence we’ve ever published. There are going to be riots in the streets when the people read this sentence, but I know that’s not all you’ve got keep it going your words are like a fist in the sock puppet of my emotions.
Eds: Wait, what, where is that siren coming from?
Writers & Editors, Cease and Desist! This is the Bit Police! This article is in violation of being a Bit. As per the Golden rules there shall be no printing of articles that attempt to subvert the expectation of an article by devolving into a series of a) stupid, b) nonlinear or c) just weird puns.
Point: Wait hold on a minute, we’ve printed out like a dozen of these things this year alone, where were you guys for “Technically UnTechnical: A Technical Exploration of NonTechnical Techniques”
Look the issue is not with other articles in the past but this article is clearly in violation of the rules.
Eds: Well wait Two & a Half Black Men have a point here this is the first time you’ve ever appeared in our regime. And we printed “Bits Please: How to Teach A Female, A Female Dog Or “a Female, Dawg” Binary”
People, you’re moving away from the point here, your entire article is just absurd. There’s no joke here beyond the fact that this article is a list of points,
Counterpoint: God this really is some top notch comedy, it’s so meta.
Eds: Couldn’t agree more.
I’ve been tasked to ensure that this kind of bullshit doesn’t get printed in this fine publication. I don’t need your esoteric meta-crap clogging up the print. So in my professional opinion, fuck both of you.
Point: But let’s not get away from the fact that there seems to be a systemic issue with how you’re enforcing these rules. This is the third time I’ve been stopped by the Bit Police in the past month, how is that fair?
Woah you need to calm down right now, you’re getting very angry.
Eds: Wait a minute… would we be having this conversation if we were dealing with Two and a Half White Men?
How dare you.
Counterpoint: You’re honestly telling me if my name was Craig you’d be making this a priority.
We’re the Bit Police this is literally all we do.
Eds: You’re honestly telling me that if he prefered Train over Soul Train, we’d still be talking?
Point: You’re saying if I prefered apple juice to grape juice we’d be doing this right now?
Eds: You’re telling me sincerely that if he wasn’t planning to watch the BET awards on June 25th at 8PM EST on channel 23 this conversation would still be taking place?
Fuck… Eds: Fuck… Counterpoint: Fuck
Attention Citizens, We are the Meta Police and this half-page slog is guilty of the crime of “Being Meta as Fuuuuuck” and also “Is Dumb”. This article should have lived and died as a headline and everyone who hasn’t run vomitting from this pile of dog shit so far knows it.
So with the power invested in us, we are terminating this article, effective immediately!
In the conclusion of this article, the Editors and Bit Police received a $2000 fine while Two and a Half Black Men were shot.
Editor’s Note: We are yet to confirm if this was written during a fever dream, but we do know that it was a bitch to format.