Predictions for 2019

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Hello Frosh! Welcome to Queen’s, your home for the next four years/ however long it takes for you to give up and realize Starbucks is the best gig you’re gonna get in this economy. Presuming you’re graduating in 2019, here’s a list of wacky, fun predictions for what the world will be like when you walk out of Grant Hall with that degree. 

  1. Hundreds of millions of people will have died, very likely including a close relative
  2. Realistically, there’s gonna be another Iraq War
  3. More dank memes!
  4. Donald Trump will probably still be doing something, so that’s shitty
  5. Marijuana will be legal in Canada, but will have a 30% markup compared to the United States
  6. You won’t die of alcohol poisoning, but goddamn there will be a couple close calls. Those in Vic Hall will know what I mean
  7. An increase in both women’s rights and assholes on the internet worldwide. 
  8. All your favourite internet cats will also be dead
  9. More elderly people than ever will have computers and access to the internet, accept you to figure it out for them.
  10. Tuition will continue to rise, bury you in soul crushing debt. 
  11. On April 4th, 2018, a grizzled old man in a white tuxedo will walk up to you and hand you a Manilla Envelope. He will say nothing except “it’s too late! We tried to warn them but they didn’t listen!” and walk off before you can respond. Inside the envelope you will find three things: a long-discontinued Canadian One Dollar Bill, a picture of young Prince George and a steel pentagram on a necklace. (This probably won’t happen, but HOLY SHIT imagine if it did?! That’d be fucking freaky dude!)
  12. You’ll be taking in the surreal feeling that you’ll be graduating, just as I am right now. So enjoy your time at Queen’s and make the most of it Frosh. And remember: if you want to make a name for yourself among the ranks of upper years, show up totally loaded to as many ghetto house parties as you can. Trust me, we love that shit.
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