Principal Woolf and Chancellor Leech both Pretty Sure they’re the Joe Biden


The current Queen’s University administration is stable and reliable. However, recent news threatens to disrupt that stability.

Following queries from Golden Words correspondents to the university, the paper has revealed that both Principal Daniel Woolf, and Chancellor James Leech are convinced they are the “Joe Biden” of their diarchy.

Although both Woolf and Leech admitted to being torn between Biden and Obama as their icons, Biden came out in the lead on both accounts. “Obama has a certain allure, I’ll give him that” said Woolf, in private, in earshot of our hidden wire-tap. “I like the way he coached girl’s basketball, but his drone strike policy just didn’t resonate with my administrative style. Biden, on the other hand, used the word malarkey in speeches. That’s the kind of man I hope people associate with me.”

Interestingly, Leech took to Biden for different reasons. Unprompted, Leech reached out to Golden Words: “Biden gave a ton of hugs. He looked great in all the pictures. He was just so photogenic in all his photo ops. Considering all the pictures people take with me after commencement, I’d like to think I have a certain Biden-esque quality to my own photogeneity.”

The Chancellor’s photogeneity aside, this situation may brew conflict in the future. In any diarchy, there can only ever be one Obama and one Biden. If neither side concedes that they may, in fact, be the Obama of the pair, the administration could be brought to a standstill.

More importantly, this raises the important question what will happen when the next chancellor and principal of Queen’s emerge. Queen’s students of the next decade will rue the day when they see the next chancellor and principal fighting over who is more like Mike Pence.