Queen’s Bands Actually 9 Years Old


Queen’s Bands states on its website that it was founded in 1905 and the organization is therefore 109 years old. This, however, is simply not true. There are very few 109 year olds at Queen’s University, definitely not enough to make a marching band. Even if there were enough, I doubt they would have the lung power to play bagpipes, trumpets, or even the snare drum. In light of this strong evidence and the recent events at Carleton University, I believe that Queen’s bands is actually 9 years old.
Last weekend Queen’s Bands attended a homecoming football game at Carleton University. Several days before the event Carleton informed Queen’s Bands that it would be required to purchase tickets and that it could not bring its instruments. Normally, Queen’s Bands relies on the fact that children receive free admission to most sporting events to save itself thousands of dollars per year in admission costs. Unfortunately for Queen’s bands, Carleton only provides free admission for children under the age of 8, so the 9-year old “musicians” were forced to pay admission just like any other fans watching the game. Many of the preteens in Queen’s Bands had temper tantrums when they learned they would have to pay:
“That was two weeks allowance! Now I’m never going to be able to save up for that Playstation!” said one of the trombone players, tears pouring down his face.
The director of athletics at Carleton defended their decision to ban Queen’s Bands from bringing any musical instruments: “Have you even listened to a children’s recorder choir? It’s horrible! We don’t want to let that into our game. They don’t even have a bitchy teacher to direct them. We have a real band that actually knows how to play music properly. We don’t want to let these little kids drown them out with their cacophony.”
Queen’s bands responded by bringing a choir of vuvuzelas, which is considerably worse than their usual brass instruments, or even an elementary school recorder choir. Security guards claimed they felt the children playing vuvuzelas were a disturbance to both the football players and the rest of the audience, however they felt bad to kick the children out of the game. “Where were all these children’s parents? It wasn’t really my job to deal with small children, but there weren’t any parents or even a schoolteacher there to discipline them!” said one confused security guard “I just didn’t know what to do, so I tried my best to ignore them and enjoy the game.”
Other spectators complained that these children were “not wearing underwear” and urged Carleton Athletics to ban anyone under the age of 18 from watching the football game.


Click here for another perspective: http://goldenwords.ca/node/199