Queen’s Getting Ready for 176th Anniversary


As many students have noticed the campus this year has been filled with the new tricolour triangle logo celebrating 175 years since the university received its charter from Queen Victoria. The school is taking this dodransbicentennial very seriously, with hopes of engaging with alumni from throughout the ages and soliciting money from them. All sorts of festivities have been planned, especially for this year’s upcoming homecoming. Good times are expected to be had by all.

Unfortunately this has drawn the ire of a local group in our great city. No, twas not townies worried about more callous partying destruction and having to scrub frosh bits off of their grills and tires, nor is it the Kingston Police preparing their riot gear yet again. Instead the complainants are composed of a local group of radical mathematicians, who call themselves Math π-rates have been making (sine) waves over what they consider to an aggressive bias shown by the university. Specifically taking issue with the fact they’re celebrating the 175th anniversary. We reached out to their spokesperson, Theorema Egregium, who had this to say:

“Frankly I’m disgusted every time I see a 150th or 100th or 25th year anniversary. What about the 23rd or the 42nd? Can’t they see their obvious bias when they only decide to memorialize years that are factored easily by 5 and 10. The idea of a base 10 numbering system is inherently problematic and has roots in colonial origin. Base 12 systems like those used in Central Africa and India have far simpler decimal representations of common fractions, and their widespread adoption would make most everyday calculations far simpler for people to do. It’s just the man getting us down that doesn’t want us to discover this truth. They want to keep us dumb and buying lotto tickets and not noticing when they shortchange us pennies at the supermarket. And if you that’s bad with base 12, don’t get me started on Sumerian base 60 – Phew!”

“Through enough petitioning and sitting in with the big shits we managed to the administration to take a more ∩-ional approach to these celebrations. I’m glad to say the university has agreed to actually recognize the arbitrariness of only celebrating anniversaries during years based on multiples of 5 or 10, which themselves come from whimsically grouping digits together in a way that happens to be correspond to how many fingers we have. It’s utter lunacy to privilege numbers like 100 or 25 when there are so many nicer numbers like 31 that we could commemorate our institution”

Principal Daniel Woolf has this to say, “Yeah, at first I was a little weirded out by these guys as some sort of terrorist group or something, but I quickly realized they were just nerds. Which as you know nerds tend to get fanatically strong opinions about random shit like text editors, or who shoots first in a movie (Team Han!), but they really convinced us with this whole number equality thing. Our marketing department came up with the idea of just having all these alumni anniversary funding events every year. We’re convinced that this will be such a hit that a kegger in Grant hall with a funnel from the top of the tower is currently in the works. Right now we’re getting ready to order new banners for the Septaquintasexacentennial next year”