Queen’s Hospitality Services to Add Edible Food Option to Menu


The Queen’s Hospitality Services has received complaints over the last 2 years of a decreased quality in food. As well as a lack of food options. The head of hospitality services, Mr. Peter Ian Staker, or Mr. P.I. Staker said in an exclusive interview, “the food has definitely been lacking over the last few years in nutritional content and flavour. Our new edible food option will include herbs and spices to give the bland food any taste regardless if it is good or not. We received backlash from Angry parents and students alike, with comments like ‘a four piece is not a meal you can eat 21 times a week.

Along with the terrible tasting food, and occasional cockroach in the salad mix, objections were made about the price of healthy food. One email we received said “4 grapes and an almond should not cost $7.50” another included “Why the hell is there only 1 vegan option at lenny everyday. I can’t eat salad much longer, my skin is turning green. Have you people never heard of tofu.

Mr. P.I. Staker outlined a 5 prong approach that he says will tackle the issues that exist within Queen’s Hospitality Services.

Food poisoning

We will use a state of the art straining system to limit the bug intake of every student to 0.2 bugs per meal.

Tim Horton’s lines

A 6th Tim Hortons will be built at the Herstmonceux Castle in the U.K. This new Tim’s has the ability to serve up to 2 customers at a time, and will help ease the line up for Tim’s at the ARC and in Bio-Sci

Official Fry Distributor

Lizzie’s Fry Truck will now become the official french fry supplier for all of Queen’s’ cafeterias.

West Campus Food Name Change

West Campus will now replace the first letter of every food item with a W. Some of these items include, whicken wings, walad, woffee, wea, wasta, wheese burgers, and wurly fries (supplied by Lizzie’s Fry Truck) to name a few.

Mr. Staker ended our interview with the following statement. “Ok guys, I’m sorry we are actually going to stop buying expired food shipments for cheap and selling them to students for a 400% profit margin. It’s just not right, we will fix the profit margin by lowering it significantly to only a 350% markup.