Queen’s Student Discovers Pythagorean Theorem

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It was just an average trip to the grocery store, or so Hippasus – a student of Queen’s University – thought. Leaving his house located at Victoria and Princess Street with his shopping list in hand, he took the usual route: south to Brock Street, east to Barrie.
All was going well at Metro, especially in the produce section where the apples were looking particularly fresh. Hippasus grabbed a few and carried on. After checking out, Hippasus wondered aloud, “It’s such a nice day, maybe I’ll take a more scenic route home,” and made his way towards Princess Street. Hippasus enjoyed his walk, but noticed something was amiss when he arrived at his doorstep. “It took me less time to get home than it did to get to Metro. Was I walking faster, or…?” and that’s when it hit him.
Hippasus dropped his grocery bag and fired up Google Maps, where the proof was right in front of his eyes: Shockingly, his first route was 1.5 km, and his route back was 1.2 km. Hippasus was too stunned to speak. Finally when his voice returned, he blurted out a string of vowels and consonants completely off the top of his head: “Eureka! In this triangle, the diagonal side is shorter than the sum of the horizontal and vertical sides!”
Although proud of his invention, Hippasus couldn’t see many useful applications aside from shortcuts to his favourite local businesses in downtown Kingston. Maybe it would save him a few minutes here and there, but it wasn’t some kind of revolutionary idea that would change the world as we know it.
Tired from all this thinking, Hippasus decided to take a bath to relax, maybe even while eating one of those fresh apples he had just purchased. After the tub was filled to the brim, Hippasus slipped in, but consequently the water overflowed onto the tile floor. “I better clean this up”, he said, stepping out of the bath. Reaching for a towel, Hippasus dramatically slipped, stumbling out of the bathroom in an attempt to catch his balance, making a dangerous approach towards the staircase.
Hippasus tumbled down, dropping the apple along the way. When he finally reached the bottom, he lay on the floor, wincing from the pain. Just when he thought his situation couldn’t get any worse, the apple Hippasus had dropped completed it’s descent and landed atop his head. Hippasus took a bite. “That is one delicious apple”, he said.

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