Recent reports from various sources around campus have spotted a new supremacist group. The “Cha Cha Cha Gheill” (CCC) has reportedly been going around to other universities in tricolored robes, burning massive wooden ‘Q’s on the football fields of other universities. The leader, Lucas Trinh, released a statement in a recent interview. “Canada is now being riddled with other universities that are tainting the solidarity within the Queen’s community. We must make it so that Queen’s is the ONLY university.” Trinh then began to yell “Cha Gheill” for seemingly two hours. When he was finished, he proceeded to slit his arms open when red, yellow and blue blood flowed out of his arms.
The latest CCC campaign involves touring all the universities in Canada to promote their ideals. In their latest event, they went to Guelph in order to protest the fact that Guelph is still a university.
A local CCC member was interviewed, but he insisted to remain anonymous, so we will refer to him as “Curtis Fleet”. Fleet described meetings as being at times both satanic and erotic, members ceremonially strip themselves of all their clothes, painting themselves with blue, yellow, and red, then literally shit on neophytes from St. Lawrence College while ominously chanting “Cha Gheill” in a room filled with blue, yellow, and candles. There are also ceremonies that involve ceremonial killings of Rams, Mustangs, whatever a Gee-Gee is, and occasional burnings of multiple copies of Miles Davis’ universally acclaimed 1959 jazz masterpiece “Kind of Blue”. Reportedly part of their initiation ceremony includes going around to Kingston dive bars and pissing townies off as well as going to football games, finding the names of opposing players in the viewbook, then telling those specific players that their “mothers aren’t proud of them.”
Fleet said, “You know I’m just proud to be part of an organisation that fervently supports my Napoleon Complex. It’s a really nice to know that my tiny penis issues are being supported by this fine establishment. Inclusivity is very important to us in the CCC.” He cited the group’s policies on supporting their own members, bashing other universities, and proudly displaying their own need for validation as some of the things that the CCC do that really resonate with him. “I’m really happy that when I really want to bleed tricolour, there’s a whole group of people who agree with me and are fully prepared to encourage me, tie me to a surgical chair, nurture me as a person and inject yellow and blue food colouring into my veins using rusty needles.” After a pause he then laughed and explained “the red is from my blood!”
Reportedly other common practices include branding members with a Q, declaring their unswerving allegiance to a stuffed wolf in the groups headquarters, and forming a queue while waiting for things.At press time, the groups members were last seen angrily petitioning for more baristas at the tea room citing that it is “only common sense” because “the lineups are outrageous”.