Surviving in the rain–Noah’s Ark is loading–will you make the cut?
The increase of rain is making us question whether (hehe) or not global warming is a really big deal, or if El Chapo (I mean Niño) is the issue. I mean really, what the fuck is going on in Kingston?
This time last year we were all trekking around in winter boots and girls were probably wearing actual pants to the club. Now, I see as much leg as I do in September at the clubs and I can wear converse out.
Ask yourself these questions: 1, are you a shitty person? 2, do you have a very cute animal? 3, do you know how to swim? If you are a shitty person and by that I mean a shitty housemate, the great man upstairs may not want to bring you off into the sunset on his big boat. What is the criteria for this you ask? Let’s recap from a few volumes ago. Wash your fucking dishes. Take them out of your room and wash them. Also, don’t leave them everywhere either, I will put them on your bed. Lastly, don’t be passive aggressive. Just don’t do it–you’re not funny–just rude so you don’t get to go on the boat and ride into the sunset with the greatest people and animals and fulfil your greatest dream. Secondly, if you have a cute animal, chances are that animal is your line skip. Good job, you made it. Snakes don’t count though, they’re terrifying and judgemental. If you cannot swim go for some lessons, and if you can’t swim and are a shitty housemate good fucking luck. I would highly advise you to take lessons or buy some floaties (maybe a dry suit too), it’s gonna get cold soon.
This is Kingston, it’s going to be very windy. Keep that in mind.
A few things for later in the week:
Buy an ice pick and bring your skates because things are going to get icy.
We will be skating to class this week so if you don’t have skates you may want to resort to encasing your body in a wipeout ready case; I would suggest the Michelin Man method. If you decide not to wear skates and bring shitty shoes don’t try and skate on the ice. You will fall and you may break some bones, but you will lose your pride, especially if you are on University and you’re late for class.
The bottom line, try to get on the ark.