Reasons Why Your Halloween Costume wasn’t as Sexy as You Think.


Nothing is wrong with dressing sexy on Halloween. You do you. However, walking through the ghetto this year there were a few costumes that I saw time and time again that I didn’t agree with. These are my drunken letters to them.
To all the “sexy nurses”- real nurses play the game of “guess what bodily substance made this stain on my baggy scrubs?” Even though the idea of a sponge bath sounds really sexy, in reality it’s usually performed by an overworked nurse on old sick people, not by a girl in a tight white dress on that guy dressed as Hercules. Nursing literally is the least sexy profession in the world – the stuff that occurs in a 12 hour shift could make your sexy Hercules dysfunctional for the next two weeks.
To all the “sexy animals”- the first thing that someone can tell by your “sexy animal costume” is how unoriginal you really are. Wearing lingerie and mouse ears was only funny when Karen did it. Also think about the type of people you are attracting when you go out at a sexy animal, they’re willing to have sex with an animal.
To all the “anything sexy from Disney”- You ruined some kids’ Halloween when they saw you walking in the ghetto and had to ask their parents where the rest of Snow Whites’ dress was; now that kid is going to grow up thinking that all fairy tales end up with the princesses stripping. Good job.