RED, WHITE, AND BLUE WORDS: Who to Blame for the Disappearance of Issue 3

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“Red, White, and Blue Words” is the regular feature where our resident alt-right staff writer provides an alternate viewpoint to the libcucks running this joint. Snova sdelat’ Ameriku!

The loss of Golden Words: Issue 3 from the physical realm was a great one for all of us. The Queen’s community has had a week to mourn, but now is the time for action. Three thousand dick jokes were killed in this cowardly attack on our newspaper. We have to be willing to do anything to get back at the person who did this to us, even lie about the presence of WMDs in their home. It’s the western way.

$hillary  ¢linton

People are most likely to turn extremism and terrorism in times of desperation, like an unexpected period of unemployment. It’s not completely out of the realm of possibility that a jilted $hillary ¢linton, in a moment of vulnerability, personally staged an attack, not just on Golden Words, but on freedom of speech itself. It may seem a little far-fetched, but you have to keep in mind: she’s literally the worst person ever.

Leslie Jones

This motherfucker announced to the world that she was an enemy of free speech when she had our lord and savior Milo Yiannopoulos taken off of Twitter. That makes her a prime suspect in the tyrannical silencing of the Golden Words staff. Even more, she starred in the female remake of Ghostbusters, an offense to phalluses everywhere. A strike against Golden Words would match her profile.

Killary Klinton

You know what, this woman tried to keep the presidency out of the hands of America’s greatest hero, and the man who has replaced my father in my heart. She deserves more than 25% of a hitpiece. An attack on our ability to spend tens of thousands printing penis-related content on high quality paper is an attack on our freedom, and I’m gonna say if there’s somebody who hates both, it’s Killary.

Malala Yousafzai

I don’t know, something about this kid just bothers me.

Any complaints about the fact that every suspect listed is a woman will be treated as a further attack on freedom of speech, and responded to with another attack article.

– Amadeus Lanceman, Gentleman* Extraordinaire

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