Resume of a Golden Words Member

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Hilarious Pseudonym

Clark Hall Pub

30 5th Field Company Lane

Kingston, ON K7L 3N6

(613) 533-6195

eds@goldenwords.com

 

Objective

To write a slightly entertaining article. Maybe it will lead to an interview for some reason.

 

Education

Queen’s University – Kingston, Ontario

  • Bachelor’s In Applied Satire Engineering
  • GPA: 69 (lol)

 

Summary of qualifications and skills

  • Distracted very easily, but efficient worker if I really try
  • Professional privilege checker
  • Able to leave the house on Sunday afternoons in winter while hungover
  • Was forced to learn MATLAB

 

Work experience

2014 to present: Golden Words

  • Write in a newspaper (sort of). At least its not The Journal.
  • Good example of teamwork and collaboration and listing other bullshit nouns.

2014 to present: Engineering Design Team

  • Signed up for Concrete Toboggan during frosh week but ignored all their emails afterwards.
  • Hypothetically gained real world engineering experience. But just hypothetically.

Summer of 2014: Caught up in like all of Game of Thrones and even contemplated reading the books.

  • Went outside several times.
  • Became comfortable using several social media platforms, notably Reddit.

 

Additional accomplishments

  • Played with balloons during Pressnite.
  • Almost got Overlord that one time.
  • Almost got the Frost Week bar that one time.

 

Fake references written by me available upon request.

 

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