Rethink the Golden Value of Golden Words

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As a constant, active, and thus obviously deep thinker, I did not waste my holidays in vain. Instead, I have conducted a series of meaningful and profound philosophical ponderings, like “why did I completely failed my first term?”; “what am I gonna eat for dinner?”, and most importantly, “what is the true, genuine, golden value and purpose of our magnificent enterprise, Golden Words?”

As a responsible and reputable medium, the first golden cause we serve is apparently the deliverance of any and all bold, honest, maybe-a-little-bit-dirty-but-highly-important-in-a-liberal-view news. Which, I feel very unnecessary to conclude, Golden Words has been achieving perfectly and non-stop.

Then there is the educational purpose. Information, knowledge, gossips, they are there to enrich people’s life and broaden their minds. Every paper with words on it takes on the sacred duty to educate; Golden Words does as well. In my humble perspective, there is no other source more educational than Golden Words. From the revealing of evil scandals, the popularization of unknown facts, to the instructions of weird, creepy, yet satisfying sex techniques, I have learned more from this paper than all my paid courses combined ( I would know because I did actually go to my classes, sometimes…once in a while…I mean, at least once).

There were more conclusions that I came to, and I was rethinking and reabsorbing them on my way to write these down for all you faithful readers, but I was disrupted by a shocking view. Right in the corridor between Gord-Brock and Leonard Hall, where there’s always a pile of classic Golden Words issues, an astonishing deed was made that shattered all my philosophies. I saw there, a stack of Golden Words was stuck in the door slot to hold it. Soaked by the rainwater and dirty melted snow, these precious shivered in the cold wind. I fell to the ground petrified. Why? Is it because people are too blinded to seek the enlightenment in Golden Words? Or is it because the value of Golden Words should be redetermined? I wandered back to my room soul-lost.

“Hey I dropped half a pizza on your desk, hope you don’t mind.” I turned to the shitty mess on my desk with my roomie’s friendly reminder. Without too much thinking I grabbed a piece of paper nearby to clean it, and realized in a gasp that I was using an issue of Golden Words. That’s when the truth struck me.

The true value of Golden Words is not profound nor sacred! It is simply that whenever I need it, whatever I need it for, it’ll be there for me! As much as I’d like to pick up my puppy’s shit with the cover of the Journal, I wouldn’t be holding the Journal on a nice day of puppy-walking. Instead I’ll find Golden Words in my pocket. Golden Words is everywhere, serving non-stop the good people of Queen’s in every way possible; humble, fearless, and trustworthy even when you wish to read it at toilet, then fold it up and wipe your ass. We’ll wipe it nicely for you, ‘cause we are Golden Words, born to serve a golden quest.

 

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